Last weekend I had to go visit my mom for her birthday. I was not looking forward to it. I never feel good about visiting her. I am still angry, really angry. But I am working through that and trying to move forward. Being angry won’t change what is. We will never have the relationship we had before but I need to move forward for my own peace.
I have been toying around with visiting the cemetery of my biological grandparents. I am not sure why but I have felt this draw to do so. Some may say it’s weird or stupid but I felt I needed to go. I have worried about bumping into family there and upsetting them. But, the perfect opportunity was to stop prior to going to my parents house and I decided to go.
I bought a nice small fall flower bouquet and headed to Spring Grove Cemetery. I am so glad I stopped at the office for a map. I got lost once even with the map. But she showed me exactly where the stone was. If it weren’t for her map, I would have never found it.
The headstone was covered with overgrown grass and weeds. I cleared off what I could with my hands and placed the flowers. I was sad for them that obviously no one has been to visit them clearly in some time. Why not? Was the relationship bad? Just too much time gone that it’s no longer a priority?
While cleaning the headstone off, I spoke to them. I told them about me. I apologized for my mother. I begged them to soften Dennis’s heart. I prayed for them and kissed their names.
I felt some peace.
Still nothing from Dennis and still I am broken.
Leave a comment