Pieces of Me

My NPE Story

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At 51 years old, on valentine’s day, I got the shock of a life time! I am an NPE. Here is my story…

  • My daddy, my truth, my heartbreak

    It’s the little things that seem to trigger an emotion. Never makes any sense.

    Last week my mom sent me a picture of my dad working. It was post retirement when he was doing consulting work for Pittsburgh. It’s a great photo.

    Today I happened to look at that picture and started crying. My amazing daddy. Such a good man, a faithful man, a man of God. He loves me so deeply and unconditionally. It’s probably easy to say I am his favorite and that he has put he on this pedestal that no one can reach.

    I looked at the photo and thought “oh my sweet daddy” and cried. He’s my dad, but he’s not. Biology doesn’t change the fact he’s my daddy and always will be but I am not biologically his. I am not his daughter, but I am.

    It’s so fucked up. I think what hurts me most is knowing that if he knew the truth it would kill him; literally kill him of a broken heart. I have no doubts about that. I am so broken and sad because of him. How could my mom do this to him. He didn’t and doesn’t deserve this. I ache for him. For the betrayal of him and the heart ache I am protecting him from.

    Sometimes the burden is too much, too hard. But for him, I carry it. I love you daddy.

  • Making Peace One Step At A Time

    Last weekend I had to go visit my mom for her birthday. I was not looking forward to it. I never feel good about visiting her. I am still angry, really angry. But I am working through that and trying to move forward. Being angry won’t change what is. We will never have the relationship we had before but I need to move forward for my own peace.

    I have been toying around with visiting the cemetery of my biological grandparents. I am not sure why but I have felt this draw to do so. Some may say it’s weird or stupid but I felt I needed to go. I have worried about bumping into family there and upsetting them. But, the perfect opportunity was to stop prior to going to my parents house and I decided to go.

    I bought a nice small fall flower bouquet and headed to Spring Grove Cemetery. I am so glad I stopped at the office for a map. I got lost once even with the map. But she showed me exactly where the stone was. If it weren’t for her map, I would have never found it.

    The headstone was covered with overgrown grass and weeds. I cleared off what I could with my hands and placed the flowers. I was sad for them that obviously no one has been to visit them clearly in some time. Why not? Was the relationship bad? Just too much time gone that it’s no longer a priority?

    While cleaning the headstone off, I spoke to them. I told them about me. I apologized for my mother. I begged them to soften Dennis’s heart. I prayed for them and kissed their names.

    I felt some peace.

    Still nothing from Dennis and still I am broken.

  • Searching for Family: A Struggle with Loss and Betrayal

    The roller coaster of emotions is exhausting. Some days I am ok with it all, some days I’m an emotional wreck and some days I’m angry. I am still so broken for my little daddy. He didn’t and does not deserve any of this. He may not have been a great husband, but he was and is the most incredible daddy God ever gave a kid. I have no idea what Dennis is like but I feel he’s probably a jerk judging by him continuing to ghost me and not give me any medical history.

    My half siblings? I can only assume the same although I want to believe in the best in all of the Webers. I often wonder if they even know the truth. Did Dennis lie and tell them I am not his and let them believe I am a cousin. Did he tell them the truth? What do they know. I recently looked at Dana’s social media to which she made a post to her son she lost a few years ago. I noticed one of the people who commented was the person who reached out to me in confidence when this started. So apparently this was Dana reaching out. That makes me believe they know. So if that’s the case either they don’t want to know me at all or they have promised Dennis they wouldn’t. I don’t think I could have that kind of alliance to my dad even as awesome of a human as he is. I would want to know my sibling.

    Because I told Dennis I wouldn’t reach out to his kids any more, I won’t. But in time I will not continue to stay silent.

    Still no apology from my in-laws either. Which the longer it goes the more pissed I get about the whole thing. Poor Andy is just broken at his parents betrayal.

    This whole thing is so fucked up. How is this even my life? The song Make it well by Mercy Me says “Keep this heart from hardening like stone, show me through the pain, there’s reason still to pray”. Man I feel that. I feel so abandoned by everyone, even God.

  • Navigating Betrayal: Trust and Family Dynamics

    How do you trust anyone? As I am navigating this entirely fucked up situation, I am realizing you can’t trust anyone.

    As I mentioned in a prior blog, Andy told his dad. I was really upset at first. I have never really had a good relationship with them and the fact they now had this dirt on my mother really bothered me. His mom is not really trust worthy already but Andy assured me they could be trusted. They were explicitly told not to tell John (Andy’s brother).

    We had a welcome party for our new exchange student last weekend. It was great. Family, friends and neighbors all came to meet and welcome Sofia. Towards the end of the party, I was outside with my mom (who was working on leaving) and Andy’s dad. All the sudden Andy opened the door and pointed at his dad and said come here now! I could see on his face he was pissed. A few minutes passed and they walked out and said good bye.

    I went upstairs to ask Andy what the Hell was going on. He said he needed to go for a drive. I was scared. After a little back and forth he finally told me his mom asked about my situation — yes.. inside my house in the open. It was just Andy, her and John but she asked “do the girls know and does Carl know” right there without any discretion. Not knowing who could have been around. Andy questioned why she was asking in front of John. She said she felt he had the right to know and he had been told. Andy lost it.

    We later talked more in depth about it. He apologized for his trust in his parents that was betrayal. I wanted to badly to say, I knew this would happen and I knew they couldn’t be trusted. But I didn’t. He was deflated and hurt by his parents, it wasn’t the time to be right. He sent them a long text without talking to me about it. He sent it to me so I could see what he had written. I read it. It wasn’t enough more needed to be said. So I followed up with the following message to them both.

    “I want you both to realize that this situation I am facing has changed and impacted my life in ways neither of you can ever begin to understand. This is MY life and MY story and is not for anyone but ME to decide who knows and doesn’t know. Me, not Andy, not you, me and me alone! Why I choose to tell some people and not others is Noone’s business but mine. Who knows and doesn’t know is no ones business. It has greatly impacted my adult children and changed them forever as well. This is an incredibly sensitive and delicate situation that only I will control. There are reasons that i ONLY am controlling this siutation and I owe no one an explanation as to why. The fact that Andy shared this with Otis concerned and upset me greatly. But he assured me that I could trust the two of you, it would go no further than the two of you and it would never be discussed with anyone outside of the two of you, especially with my children. Sadly, I now know I was right with my concern. The fact that you felt John “has the right to know” is deeply disturbing. This is MY life and MY story. This has nothing to do with John and he has NO rights to my life in that capacity nor does he have any rights to my private life or anything that involves my family. This does not involve either of you and it certainly does not involve John. The fact that you all felt it was something John needed to know, to involve John and share with him is a total betrayal of trust that is now destroyed. A betrayal which has deeply hurt Andy and I both. It is not for either of you to decide who you feel should know this and share it with anyone especially John when you were explicitly instructed not to really crossed a line. I believed Andy in that we could trust you both, but now I see we cannot’ and any trust that was had been broken and that can never be regained. I also now know I can ever come to either of you in confidence for help or support. It is also incredibly disturbing that Nancy felt it was ok to question Andy period about who knows and even more disturbing that it was here in the open, in MY home, with my mother still here. It’s incredibly disrespectful that either of you would feel its ok to even question us about who knows –its none of your business and it’s absolutely inappropriate that you feel you should know. it doesn’t matter who knows because you were to never ever talk about it with anyone but each other and to do that here, openly in front of other people is beyond inappropriate. Then to argue that John has a right to know. I am absolutely appalled by this. I now Andy has made his stance clear but I want to make my stance very clear. This is my story!! mine, not yours, not Andy’s, mine! if this is ever discussed again, ever with anyone I will go no contact for good. You all can’t even comprehend how this has affected me or our children. It is MY life and my story and none of you have any rights to any of it!”

    No response, no apology, radio silence. Are they mad at us? Why would they be? But I can bet you they are. I think they’re entitled and arrogant enough to think we are in the wrong here.

    I know one thing for sure. I know my MIL and she totally had plans to try to talk about it with Becky when she is in town in 2 weeks. That was her way of finding out if she could talk to her about it when alone with her. SO help me God if she does. I have prewarned Beck lets hope they can at least see how wrong they were and shut the fuck up about it.

  • The Struggles of Mother’s Day: Managing Anger and Guilt

    Mothers day was hard; not quite as hard as the first one after my discovery, but nevertheless, it was hard. How do you wish someone a happy mothers day when you are so angry. After you have matured enough to realize what a shit parent you had and shitty childhood. How she manipulated you. But, you have to fake it because of your sweet daddy. I feel so guilty saying life is so unfair because I know there are so many people with much worse situations than mine but it feels so unfair. My whole fucking life has been trapped in her web of lies. It thoroughly disgusts me; she disgusts me! But I put on that smile and faked a good day. I know she feels and sees the difference in me which is why she is trying to over compensate and kiss my ass. Some days all I want to do is crawl into bed and never get out. I am dying inside.

    I text Dennis and wished a happy mothers day to his wife (“if she is a mom”). Of course I know she is a mom but thought it would be a nice sentiment. No reply, of course.

    Later in the day I was texting with my cousin Tricia. We didn’t really talk about Dennis at all; most of the time we don’t. But she told me how she went to church and spent her day. I told her my day also. I told her how I considered going to church but I am still having a hard time. I am still so angry that God brought me to this situation only to be hurt and rejected. Her reply really hit home and gave me a new angle to think of:

    “The lord is working in everyone’s life. Dennis has been given this amazing example of God’s grace, where before he dies, he has been given the chance to connect to his wonderful child, which is a redeeming of the infidelity and his chance to reach for some emotional healing and release the burden of at least this one secret. Had this occurred in the future, Dennis might be dead and the surviving brothers would have continued to ignore your letters. None of the kids knew, so they couldn’t have helped even if they wanted to. You would have never truly known which brother was your dad. Had this occurred earlier, you would have been in the thick of your family life carrying this terrible burden. If it came out when you were a kid, it likely would have broken up your family and maybe put a wedge between you and your dad. Essentially leaving you fatherless because Dennis wasn’t going to step up to the plate. This timing is right for you. But also for Dennis. The Lord is giving him a chance that he doesn’t deserve. By stepping up with you he might discover within himself what it takes to reconnect better with his other children. He is getting a chance to get the best heart connection that he can with everyone in his life before he passes. That he doesn’t see this is frankly so stupid that I cannot feel sorry for him. You have a lovely family and a vibrant heart. you have handled this with discernment and compassion. You have recognized the extent of your wounding and sought out people and readings that speak to healing. You will recover and you will be stronger and more vibrant for having been brave enough to wrestle with the pain. The Holy Spirit wants to redeem this in you and in Dennis. As to the timing, I think it had as much to do with Dennis as it does with you. I can’t help but see it that way when I think over your situation.”

    I really don’t know. It is just too much right now and the hurt is so fresh. It doesn’t make any sense why I have to hurt and continue to be hurt so deeply.

  • A New Relationship?

    I always considered myself as being really close to my mom. It wasn’t until this whole NPE experience I really took time to look back on my relationship with her and my life. When looking back I realize so much as an adult that I didn’t see as a child and wasn’t able to see as a teen/young woman that my childhood covered up. I was never close to her.

    I think I mentioned in an earlier writing that she groomed me as a child; like a pedophile grooms a child but not for the same reasons. Regardless of the reason, I was groomed. I was groomed to keep her disgusting secrets and cover up for her; I was groomed to lie. This is something that no child should be taught or manipulated to do.

    Really looking back, I was close to her but only in the sense I had to go everywhere with her as her alibi. We’d go shopping, her boyfriend was there. We’d go to lunch, her boyfriend was there. No matter what we did or where we went, he was always there; as a child, teen and adult. I think it was once I had my own children that I realized I needed out of that. Sadly, prior to having my own kids, as much as I knew it was wrong, it was normal – just part of my life. That’s really sick to think about. How could that ever have become a normalcy. Lies, deceit, infidelity should never be a normal part of anyone’s life, their whole life.

    Now that I have put healthy boundaries in place and I have put distance with her, I feel so much happier and healthier. Sadly, I am still very broken over the whole thing. Today I was thinking how much I hate her. I don’t hate her, I really don’t but some days I am still so very angry at her. I know she wants to act like everything is normal and she is really kissing my ass to try to fix things but it will never ever ever go back to like before. I will always keep distance. The relationship is broken beyond repair. You’d think that the affairs and my childhood would be enough to create those boundaries. Absolutely should be. I think I drew healthy boundaries when I had my own kids and refused to make them a part of that. But, the NPE discovery has really made me realize on a deeper level how much she has betrayed my through my entire life; long before the NPE discovery. None of it was normal. None of it was ok.

    This last week has been really difficult for me emotionally; heavy.

  • Redefining Family: Love Beyond Biology

    This past weekend my brother was admitted to the ICU for kidney failure. I’ve always been close to my older brother. He was the first person I told about Dennis (other than my husband). It’s been really difficult thinking we would lose him. Sitting hours in that family waiting room surrounded by family, MY FAMILY, who all love each other deeply, I had a lot of time to reflect on things.

    Finding out your brothers are technically only half brothers was hard. I had to remind myself that these are MY brothers regardless if we share both parents or not. They’re not half brothers. Yes, biologically they are half brothers and a DNA test would say that, but they are my brothers. Period. It’s taken me time to wrap my head around the fact that biology doesn’t always mean anything.

    It’s funny, we have hosted 7 foreign exchange students who I consider my kids and have zero biological connections to, my son and daughters are technically half siblings, and I have raised a friend of my son, who without a doubt is my son. I have always preached that love is louder than DNA and that blood doesn’t make you family but now that it was me, my life, it felt different.

    I text Dennis on Easter and he didn’t reply and he sent nothing to me on my birthday. I think without saying anything he is telling me everything I need to know. Yet, I gave him the opportunity to tell me he didn’t want to know me and he’d never hear from me again, so why won’t he just tell me. Why is he stringing me along?

    This journey is hard. It’s weeks of “I’m moving on, I don’t need them” and weeks of being devasted and broken at their desire to NOT want to know me. It’s so unfair and hurts so much. I want to move on from it but can’t seem to. I just don’t understand why. I have a loving daddy and brothers who are there for me and love me unconditionally. Why do I need this connection to Dennis and my other siblings?

    If anything positive came out of sitting in that ICU waiting room, it reminded me of my true family. Family that loves me, family that wants to know me, family that wants a relationship, family that are all there for each other in the good times and in the worst times. Family. We are family regardless of biology. We love hard. Time to move on and count my losses…. count THEIR losses. I will still reach out to Dennis on holidays and maybe one day when he is gone I will reach out to my siblings but now, I am focusing on MY family and thanking God for them.

  • Am I being Ghosted or is he still processing?

    Lack of communication from my BF has been disheartening but the conflicting nature of his communication is very confusing. I guess he’s processing but not sure what to make of it all. Here is the communication from him since I received his first email on 4/8/25

    4/8/25 – “Dawn, I recently received your letter and learned that I am your biological father. Up until now, I had no idea you existed. I understand this must be a difficult situation for you, but I want to be clear about my perspective. The letters you sent to me, my brothers, my children, nieces and nephews when you didn’t receive a response with the timeframe you expected, came across as intrusive. I am a stranger to you, as is my family and I don’t feel obligated to respond beyond addressing medical questions. Your mother and I had a brief affair over 50 years ago. She chose to raise you under the belief that her husband, Carl was your father. If you have further questions about your upbringing, I suggest discussing them with her as she is the one who withheld this information from you. I am sorry for the circumstances that led to this situation. I had no knowledge of your existence until now. I am willing to answer your medical questions, but I ask that you respect my family’s privacy and refrain from contacting them further. If this continues, I may feel compelled to share this information with others involved. You are welcome to all me directly at XXXXXXX. Dennis”

    I read that several times and chose not to call him because he was obviously on the defensive and that was not the type of call I wanted to have. So I text him. It was obviously his wife’s number because he text me back from a different number. I am also judging by his text messages, that his wife wrote this email.

    Our text exchange 4/8/25

    Me “Dennis, first I want to say how sorry I am that I have upset and angered you with my communication. As I wrote in my letter, there is no handbook for navigating his. I did the best I could with the advice I was given. Obviously bad advised as I have hurt you and your family and I am very sorry. As you are requesting, I will not reach out to anyone and give them the privcy they need to digest and process this information. I am a good person with a good heart and hope one day you all can see I did not have any ill intentions. Again, I am so sorry. I want to say thank you for being honest and telling me that you are my biological father. I appreciate your kindness. I believe you when you say you had no idea about me. Just a little tidbit of info, tomorrow is my birthday. Medical history would be nice. I have three children and a grandchild that is’ important to know medical history, so I appreciate that. as for my mother, I do plan on eventually confronting her with this information. She is medically and mentally fragile. I am pretty angry with her and need to come to a good place myself before approaching her but need to do it gently as again, I said she is mentally fragile. I cannot have a successful suicide on my conscience. I have told one of my brothers and we are navigating telling my mom. Again, thanks for the email. I am sorry I have hurt you all. I really honestly am. Dawn”

    “Dawn I think this would have worked out better for all and conversed only with me. You attacked my entire family and this only you and me. If you want an answer from now on I am the one who has the answer. Happy early birthday. Let go of the anger and the outcome will be better. Have a good birthday Dennis”

    “I never intended to attack anyone. I had no clue which of the three brothers was my biological father. I was only requesting help with DNA to determine an answer. I am truly sorry if anyone felt attacked as it was never my intention to hurt anyone. Again, I am very sorry for hurting your family. I would appreciate some family medical history if there is anything relevant to share. Otherwise it sounds like you never wish to hear from me again and I will respect that.”

    “I will get medical history for you. Give me a little time to do so and if I don’t want to hear from you I would never given you my phone number. Keep your chin up it will all work out ok”

    4/20/25 – me “Happy Easter”

    Dennis “thank you and same to you”

    5/26/25 – me “Thinking of you this memorial day. I do not know your full story yet, but if today holds any personal meaning for you, I hope its a day of peace and reflection. My son is a veteran and the military is very special to my heart. I want you to know that I think about you and pray for you daily. I hope you are in good health and happy. I pray one day you will want to get to know me at least a little bit and you will realize I am a good person worth knowing. Attached is a photo of me and my family at my daughters recent college graduation. Dawn”

    Dennis “thank you for caring. I am still trying to put my family back together. It’s very difficult right now for me. Thanks again”

    me “I am very sorry. I also feel the struggle of putting my life back together while trying to keep my family together and give grace and figuring out who I am because that has all changed now. I will continue to pray for you and your family”

    No response.

    6/15/25 – me “happy fathers day!”

    Dennis “thank you”

    7/4/25 me – “Hope you are doing well. I continue to pray for you daily and think of you often. Hopefully your 4th is being spent surrounded by those you love the most. This year it’s just me and my husband and the dogs. I’ll probably spend time working in my garden and floating in the pool. peaceful yet uneventful. Anyway, have a great weekend. I’d love to see a photo of you if you feel like sharing. I wonder what you look like. God Bless, Dawn”

    No response.

    7/22/25 me “I have a question, I have been dealing with some pretty bad arthritis in general but specifically my spine. It’s going to require some serious surgery to repair my back. We do not have this in my family history and I am wondering if your family has this history of arthritis.”

    no response.

    9/1/25 me “Happy labor day. Hope you have a wonderful weekend”

    no response

    10/31/25 me “Happy halloween”

    no response

    11/11/25 me “happy veterans day. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hoping this day brings you peace and happiness”

    no response.

    11/27/25 me “happy thanksgiving. Hope your day is spent surrounded by the ones you love the most. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.”

    no response

    12/4/25 me “I had major back surgery today and had some cardiac complications in the OR. The cardiologist is requesting my family cardiac health history. Can you please tell me if there is any and if so what? Thanks”

    Dennis “none that I am aware of”

    12/25/25 me “Merry Christmas. May the joy of Christmas remind you of the beautiful gift of Christ’s birth. Wishing you peace, love and blessings” Attached family photo

    no response

    1/1/26 me “I pray this new year brings you peace, healing and renewed hope. May god guide you and surround you with his grace. I continue to pray for you every day. Hope you are happy and healthy. Happy New year”

    no response

    1/5/26 me “Happy birthday”

    no response

    As I mentioned in a previous blog, there IS family heart history. BAD family heart history. Thankfully my second cousin Tricia has provided me with all the Weber heart history she knows about. I was able to piece together additional information with documents on ancestry but was not able to get anything on Dennis’ mothers side. Why would he lie to me?? Does he want me to die? I was so broken when he answered nothing he knew of. He knows his father and his brother both died of sudden cardiac death. As did his grandfather. His mother was older when she died but had a heart attack. Why didn’t he feel the need to tell me this? What an asshole!!

    I also sent a long letter in October to him. maybe I will post it one day, but it gave him the opportunity to tell me to stop contacting him and I promised I would. No response to that either. I just don’t understand what he wants moving forward. So I will continue to reach out on Holidays until he tells me otherwise to stop reaching out.

    Why is this so hard? Why am I going through this? This is so unfair. I am so broken.

  • How Can A Parent Not Want to Know Their Child?

    I am still struggling with having a biological father that I have no idea who he is. What is he like? What are his likes/dislikes? Is he nice or a jerk? Is he tall or short? What is his hair like? Is it dark, light, curly, straight?? Does he have blue or brown eyes? Is he gentle or gruff? Does he have strong faith in God? Who is this man?? Do I look like him? Or do I look like his parents?

    I think I have opinions on some of these answers. His lack of response to me makes me think he is a jerk. He’s not nice. He’s not gentle. He’s not religious. He is selfish and self serving. Maybe it’s wrong, I sure hope so, but he has left me no other option but to believe these things. I want to believe he is good. That I came from good. That God did not bring me to this incredibly horrible situation only to be hurt by some POS.

    But why… why doesn’t he care? Why a year later does he not want to know more about me, to meet me? Why does he not want me in his life. This breaks me. As a parent, I can’t imagine not wanting to know my child. As a wife, I can’t imagine not wanting to push my husband to know his child. It just amazes me. How can a parent not give a shit about a child of theirs? I mean, he’s almost 80 and who knows how long he has left. How can he be willing to waste the time or not ever have the opportunity to know his child.

    And my half sibling. They know I am out here. Did he tell them he’s my father? Or is he allowing them to believe I am one of his brother’s child. Why aren’t they reaching out? Why don’t they want to know me. Does he have that strong of a hold on them that they won’t defy him and reach out? I sure as hell would even if my daddy asked me not to. I just don’t get it, any of it. It’s so hard and so unfair. I wanted nothing more in life than to have a sister. I now have two and they don’t give a shit about me.

    Obviously my faith is being tested. and I need to work on that but I am still angry with God. Why is he doing this to me? I know he has a purpose and I believe he has a purpose but why am I being hurt so badly for nothing.. Nothing.

    I just don’t know what to do next, how to move forward. How to find happiness and how to stand tall.

  • The Emotional Roller Coaster of NPE: One Year Later

    February 14, 2026 was the one year anniversary of my NPE discovery. It seems like I am still on this incredibly difficult roller coaster. It still consumes me; all my thoughts, my dreams, all the time, every day. I hate that.

    On good days I swear that I am going to let go of the anger and focus on positive things in my life. My relationship with my mom will never be the same. I will never trust her fully again but I do love her and can have a healthy relationship with her that includes boundaries; I think. I want to let go of being pissed at Dennis and allow him time to process this all and decide what is healthy for him. I do not understand what he’s feeling or how he is coping. In all honestly I don’t know anything about him. What type of person he is or how he handles stress or drama. So, it’s only fair that I allow him that time.

    Then I on bad days I am still angry. I was robbed of knowing a biological father, grandparents and siblings. Was it for the best, well obviously because that was God’s plan. I don’t like it but I am working hard to accept that. I am still angry at Dennis for not being more open; willing to communicate to determine if there is anything here to build on. Angry at my siblings for not reaching out to me. Angry at God. Why! Why put me through this all only to be hurt. It just makes no sense.

    Since last year I have wondered who came to me in my dream to tell me to check the DNA. I assumed it was God since no one was visible with the voice. Saturday night I had a very real feeling dream about my God parents; Donald and Cindy. Donald passed away in October 2022 (I think). He’s been my dad’s best friend since they were 9 years old. In my dream he and Cindy were together and I told them about my discovery. Donald replied “I knew it! I always thought you weren’t his”. Was it Donald that came to me originally? Is there a reason I needed to tell him? Was that him coming to me in my dream to talk about this? I miss him. My daddy really misses him terribly. If he were here he would know what I should do and help me navigate this. I hate this!

    But the one year anniversary hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt crushed all over again. This time maybe it’s worse. Still no answers and Dennis still won’t talk to me. I am still hiding this secret to protect my daddy and yet my mom wins again. It’s just too much. I am so very lost and broken.